May 31, 2003

::i FREAKING KNEW IT!..::

HASH(0x86beea0)
I am an overly happy A.D.D kitten


Which cute or possibly strange kitten are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

::why i love kat::

EeyoresKat: my meagen is so bad ass
EeyoresKat: she has a bunch of class.
she likes to eat sassafrass
and play a tuba made of brass

May 30, 2003

don't fool wit the playah with the cool whip...

May 29, 2003

does irony grow on trees?

haha..i said ass.

the postal service kicks ass.

you should download them, and if you like them...you should buy "give up"...their cd.

it rocks...hardcore.

May 28, 2003

::say goodbye to the ole irie...::

so, i made the decision tonight.

i'm not going to ireland to study next fall. honestly, i'm surprised at how relieved i am when i say that. it's almost like...in the back of my mind i never really wanted to go, i just really wanted to get the HELL away from here...and ireland was the farthest alternative. i mean, don't get me wrong. i wanna travel SO badly. but the other thing is the money. it's the main thing. it was going to be 11,000 for a QUARTER...that's a year's tuition at cal poly for 10 weeks. and i just didn't have that kind of money. my car needs to be fixed, i need surgery this summer, and i have all kinds of expenses that i should take care of before goin' off to ireland. i dunno. i'm a little dissapointed that i can't go, but i know that in the future it will be that much better. i will have more time to plan my trip and maybe even GO WITH PEOPLE I KNOW. and meet cool people. and get drunk in pubs. and dance. and ....all those things i wanted to do. i will just be looking forward to them LATER. woohooo! i still get to go...just...later.

so anyways. that's it. but now there's housing stress for next year, on top of all the end of the quarter bullshit. stupid papers and homework and all that jazz. i swear i am going to go insane.

i've already started. i called megan rose today CONVINCED it was her birthday...but it's not until thursday. OH WELL. i still got to hear her sexy voice.

bye for now. it's sanity time. god, everything is so frustrating. i can't take it anymore.

May 26, 2003

::i need you to pretend...that we are in love again...::

scrolling through my phone book, i saw ::his:: number in my phone book...and almost erased it. the same wave of emotions didn't hit me anymore. i was like "what's the point?"...really, it's only there to taunt me. i know i can't call. i know i don't care to. but...

i saw him sign online today...and my heart jumped into my throat. i became shaky, nervous, and like...i dunno. i couldn't breathe, couldn't think straight. why? WHY!? after all this time...after what he's done. i am over it...but...i guess there's always that [fear?] i dunno. it's crazy. i'm crazy.

maybe i'm just caught up in the comfortable. and honestly...i can say...that that was the closest thing i've ever felt to being in love. weird...because we really didn't know each other that well...but i didn't have to. we clicked. damnit. i can't deny the feelings i felt. but i can get over it. i *am* over it.

whatever. this entry was so not worth typing.

May 21, 2003

i'm fairly screwed up...

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Moderate
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:High
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:High
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:Moderate
Dependent:Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --


May 19, 2003

ben folds just added more tour dates with tori amos...

8/1....GREEK THEATRE. in LA.

oh, i am *so* there...f*cking AYE man. i almost was willing to fly across the country to see him...now i only have to drive 1/2 hour.

LIFE IS RAD. holy shit. ben folds...::swoon::

i want to sex him and have 10000 of his musical babies.

he is my piano god. omg omg. i can't believe that in 3 months i will see him on stage. could life get any better? i submit that it cannot! <3

May 18, 2003

when i get really tired, my left eye closes...like i wink a lot or something. i'm developing a strange twitch. i'm one of those people! omg! i'm cracking up. and it's scary.

May 16, 2003

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!

DOES NO ONE HAVE ANY DAMN RESPECT ANYMORE?!

AESTgkus hglakjsdhf;l jflsdkhj a;wlsfkpasiehgt'eowpt j;oes a'wet

I OWN YOUR LIFE.

May 13, 2003

::teehee::

innocent bitch



You Are An Innocent Bitch!


Like most chicks, you act like you're innocent.

But to get what you want, you'll be a total bitch...

And never get caught!



What Kind of Bitch Are *You*?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

May 12, 2003

mikasully: MEAGEN
mikasully: go to the library
DeathByAltoids: MIKA
DeathByAltoids: haha
DeathByAltoids: thank you:-)
mikasully: no prob
DeathByAltoids: you're a doll
DeathByAltoids: whoa.
mikasully: aw stop
mikasully: whoa
DeathByAltoids: underline
mikasully: major emphasis
DeathByAltoids: i could do this
DeathByAltoids: MIKA IS A DOLL *huge in big letters and underline*
DeathByAltoids: how's that?
mikasully: blog it.
mikasully: blog it now.
DeathByAltoids: hahaha
DeathByAltoids: i dunno howwwwwww to make it big
DeathByAltoids: but i'll blog it

May 7, 2003

::apathy over rightousness::

we talked.
::i listened::
i wanted to set things right.
-but i knew you always thought *your* way-
not with you.
nothing will ever be how i want it to be.
i felt better after i wrote.
but. not really after we talked.
((there's so much left i wish that i could say to you))
eh.
but is there?
do i really care enough to set everything straight?
-apathy over rightousness-
i guess i'm more mad at myself.
::for compromising me::
for telling you everything was ok.
when it wasn't.
when i wasn't.
when i wanted you to care.
and comfort me.
and see me for who i am.
but how can this be accomplished
when i'm always who you want me to be?
eh.
i'll try not to think about it.
-because, isn't that what you told me to do?-
but in the meantime.
i hope you get a life.
i hope you find that i will see through you.
((i have seen through you))
and i refuse to be compromised.

May 6, 2003

here

and here

for greg

::woo!::

I scored a 69% on the "How Cal Poly are you" Quizie! What about you?

May 5, 2003

((wake me up inside...))

i think one of the worst feelings in the world is to know that you've been disrespected. to know that somehow *you* and your thoughts are insignificant to someone else.

my life is based on meaning...i only do things because it means something to me. a life without meaning is....well, death. i place certain emphases on occurances, people, events, things in my life...they all *mean* something. and when i say something to another person, that's giving a part of ::my:: meaning to them...in the hopes that it will mean something to them in return.

recently, i've both been on the giving end and receiving end of disrespect, respectively. i've apologized for the giving, and am lamenting in my receiving. what's funny is that the person whom i believe i disrespected....i hold in the utmost respect in every way. this person has been nothing but kind and welcoming, friendly, funny, and beautiful in every way. this person knows how much i regret those things that i have done...this person knows i care. i can only hope trust can be rebuilt, and it's hard. it will be hard. ((no one said it's easy))...but i hope we can continue to be friends...no matter how difficult a curve ball life may throw...

but the thing that bothers me the most, and is the most pressing issue at this time...is that with my roomate. let me just say that my roomate has been dating my ex-boyfriend for almost a year now. it's an uncomfortable situation...granted, our relationship...wasn't really "boyfriend/girlfriend" sex-machine type shit (you know...he's the fat kid from kindergarten cop...i mean really...) but we were close friends. it's just not good. my roomate and i have gotten into many arguments about him...being over, sleeping over, leaving me the HELL alone. i don't like him. he makes me feel like shit...every single time i see him. EVERY TIME. i've tried talking to both him and lisa about the way i feel about certain things, and all they do is berate and belittle me. those are two people i don't want as friends. after having a conversation MANY times about how uncomfortable it is to have him sleep over (we have bunk beds....) i thought things were understood. they don't agree with my opinions, but since I PAY THE RENT TO STAY IN MY OWN ROOM, i think i have a f*cking valid opinion. you dont have to agree, just respect. it's all about respect. but apparently what i say doesn't mean anything, since i was locked out of my room at 2:30 in the morning, only to have them sleeping on the bottom bunk [after a "session" judging by the used condom thrown half-assed in my bathroom trash can]...

i had had some alcohol, and i was raging mad. so i yelled at them and threw them out at 3 in the morning....while screaming "i hate you, i hate you...you're a bitch, you're boyfriend's a dick, i hate living here, i f*cking hate you all"....waking up my other roomates...and causing quite a commotion. talking to my dad helped me calm down a little.

..but the feelings of disrespect haven't left. and we haven't talked since the incident. i don't know what i'm doing or where i'm going. i don't know how things are going to end up. i don't know about anything really anymore. i'm just....

lost. lonely. confused. scared. emotional. angry. blank.