Oct 13, 2003

worst pick up line ever:

"hey baby, did you fart? because you just blew me away..."

DAMN. hahaha.

Oct 7, 2003

.new york.


((i understand))
flying back home
ben folds on rotation
this weekends memories on repeat
450 people
-all eyes on us-
it was amazing. we got to play.
in front of an entire frat at cornell
:i can't believe i heard my dad say sex machines:
but honestly.
((i understand))
one more song! one more song!
all the small things
jumping up and down
"meagen on the bass"
i never thought i'd hear a crowd roar at those words.
-never breathin' out-
we rocked.
we freaking ROCKED.
p.s. i have a new appreciation for jethro tull
[next cd to acquire]
i have to get in on this whole band thing.
-it was comfortable-
i wasn't nervous at all.
i wish you could've seen it.
i watched the video again.
((i understand))
that will be me
-that will be us-
((don't forget to give me back my black t-shirt))
i love it.
i think i want to transfer to cornell.
i need to be there.
::i need to get away::

Sep 30, 2003

what is real.what is not.what is real.what is not.

#6 modest mouse playing on repeat
a boy embraces a girl-his eyes closed
and her eyes open...listening
a dog is whining outside
pan to her face, looking with such telling eyes
and the room spins, spins, spins
and the music plays
and the dog whines
and the boy embraces.
-but she is detached-
at least she fakes it
she's a writer-only by night
she falls into the same traps with men
-i'm always the girl in between-
she uses music as her escape
she has trouble distinguishing what is real, from what is not.
she has a lot of friends
but feels alone
she wishes she wore glasses.
((she has a pair that are fake-and wears them when she is alone))
she constantly has something in her mouth.
-haunting piano music-
she's confident when she's alone
she has so much love to give
she feels so deeply
she laughs so merrily
she questions her sanity.

the band junior senior rocks...go junior, go senior is a pimp song.

Sep 27, 2003

i really like this poem from the book i'm reading the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chbosky. it's kind of a morbid poem...it's about suicide. but the poem really hit me hard for some reason. and i thought i'd share it. you all should read the book too. it's freaking the greatest book ever.

once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and tha'ts what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
that was the year father tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed a lot
and the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of x's
and he had to ask his father what the x's meant
and his father always tucked him in bed at night
and was always there to do it.

once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
and the kids told him
that father tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometimes they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see santa claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

once on a piece of paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "innocence: a question"
because that was the question about his girl
and that's what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady lok
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
that was the year that father tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
and at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

that's why on the back of a brown paper bad
he tried another poem
and he called it "absolutely nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

Sep 22, 2003

i'm at mika's house...blogging.

i won't have internet in a while.

don't expect any updates for some time...unless i'm feeling super creative and want to use the radio station computers.

i love you. <3

Sep 17, 2003

ok, so my cat totally wanted to get freaky with me this morning.

i'm all just laying in my bed, and my cat comes over and sits on my neck. all of a sudden, his paw is ON MY BOOB kneading it and like totally caressing it. then...he...LICKS MY EAR. i was like WHOA FELIX...moving a little fast for me...so i got totally weirded out and had to leave.

did i just get some pussy?

Sep 14, 2003

::be or be not....there is no...um....layover in the middle..er..something::

i miss childhood innocence. you know, that time when i got excited to see roly poly bugs and dirt was cool. where i was in awe of everything around me. i don't have the same desire anymore to go out and explore the world. and that scares me. why do i waste my time? i waste so -much- time it's really starting to get to me. by spending way too much time on the computer, and in front of the TV. being unemployed is really killing me. i feel so worthless. not in school. not having a job. not having a place to live.

ironically, my inspiration came to me in an episode of sex in the city. plain and simple, the theme was...that life is short. it really is. it's too short to get scared to call people on the phone. i don't have a house yet, because i can't work up the courage to call strangers on the phone and talk to them. what's the use? everyday is just another excuse to procrastinate, and everyday i feel worse and worse about myself.

do you remember the days of reading rainbow and mr. rogers? when sqeeze-it tasted SO good? when you could eat multiple desserts and not gain weight? when you could make up games to play, build awesome forts, play house, work with chemistry sets and think they were the most amazing thing ever, play "beds are safe," read, get beaned with a dodgeball, have the greatest worry in your life a scraped knee.

but now, broken hearts hurt a lot worse than scraped knees. and you have no time to make up games. chemistry isn't as fun. and there are a lot more temptations to avoid. i have a complex. for some reason i want to break out of my shell. but i know that -i- am still innocent. i want to go back. to who i used to be. ((to who i am inside.)) i played nintendo today. tomorrow, i'm taking the dog on a walk. maybe i'll go to the park. i'm going to call the people i need to call. there's no reason to stress out about it. i'm going to watch my brother's soccer game. i'm going to enjoy my day. run errands and accomplish. because i know i can. because i'm learning about me. i'm going to eat right and exercise. (hahaha) but i know i won't. and that's ok. i'll give it my best shot.

today, i'm going to make an effort to be.

Sep 10, 2003

i sleep with sheep?

what do they really think of you by purple
lj name
your best friend thinksYou sleep with sheep
your family thinkyou're a slut
strangers thinkthey wouldn't wanna cross you
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Sep 9, 2003

oh my god, my mom is so down with rap culture.

she just referred to 50 cent as "half-dollar"

hahaha. i love her. <3

Sep 8, 2003

once again i find myself in disposition.
-can't i be decisive for once?-
i'm happy.
((about you))
i've been waiting so long for this.
[and you making my supposed dreams come true]
there's always that but
why do i doubt your motives?
why don't i feel the same?
-that one night-
you made me feel special.
more affectionate than i was used to.
((you said i was beautiful))
i missed your smiles when you went away.
and i tried to hold on
-to that feeling in my heart-
but over time, i felt my grasp slip.
that feeling was falling away.
and right when it was nothing more than an ember
you fueled my fire.
something about the way it flickered
was different before.
i feel cold.
i want to be with you.
((i do))
oh, who knows what i want anymore!
i thought this was for me.
-what is it with me and relationships?-
i want, i don't.
why do i feel smothered already?
maybe i'm the one who's scared?
maybe i'm running.
-like always-
or maybe it's you.
make me believe i can do this.
that i can share my life with another.
i want to try.
i'm tired of being alone.