hah. so, today we're sitting eating lunch, talking about the movie "the emperor's club"..here's the conversation:

mom: well, we're going to see it, but it has a few elements of sexual stuff that the twins may not understand
dad: yeah, like they have teenage boys looking at pictures of naked girls in magazines and stuff. but you can't see the girls. just that they are looking at them.
mom: so, if there is anything you don't understand, guys, just ask mom and dad and we'll explain it.
dad: yeah, it's about an all boys school....very similar to mine.
spencer: so you guys looked at magazines too?

::laughter for about 5 minutes::

::an evil doctor...?::

oh man. last night. best night i've had in a long time. everything was just perfect.

stole your woman is gettin' so good. i bought their new cd and it rocks the cabash.

two other bands i didn't care for that much...but were still pretty cool.

DON'T LOOK DOWN. rocked my world.

and then yellowcard. ::sigh:: i really didn't even WATCH yellowcard per se.....but amidst the jumping around with april, kaycee, joey and his woman, dancing and making up hand motions, and singing at the top of our lungs, it rocked. it just rocked. and then they played "rough draft" acoustic which they NEVER play because apparently it's about some "vicious life-sucking bitch"...or so ryan says. heh. but i'm so glad he played it. ah yes.

i'm still on a bit of a high from the show. i couldn't sleep very well last night, even though i was soooo tired. i just had that feeling in my tummy [mmm...pete...:)] i'm just so glad to see so many people i hadn't seen in forever. I LOVE BREE. she's too cute ummm....everything was perfect. just everything.

i love you all.

well helloooooo mistah bloggah. it's been hard to find a computer here at home that's not filled with the obsessiveness of small siblings to find "cheat" codes for nintendo games, so i haven't been able to blog much. oh, but that doesn't mean anything hasn't happened, oh no. it's been a little difficult getting back into the swing of things at home. although i often times get plenty of sleep at night, i still find myself exhausted at the end of each day...just because i've been DOING so much. christmas involves a lot.

it makes me wonder, when i was a kid....what did i see in christmas? i saw "the magic" of santa clause, the decorations, the cookies, the sights, sounds, smells of christmas. and it made me excited every year for it's arrival. of course, no kid can deny that "getting presents" was their favorite part of christmas [don't lie...you'll get coal]...but as i get older and older, it's sad because the magic fades, christmas decorating becomes a chore, and "getting presents" usually involves getting things that you actually need, but are too cheap to buy them throughout the year because you have other expenses. to the 19 [and a half] year old adolescent, christmas is now commercialized, buying gifts not really because you want to, but because you feel you have to. and then there's the guilt of ::so-and-so got me a gift, does that mean i have to get him one?:: you know what i say? no. absolutely not. you do what you want. you know what would make more of a lasting impression? if you got him a gift on april 23. why april 23? well, why not. nothing else is going on that day. might as well take time out and show someone that you are thinking of them. but you know, it doesn't really have to be a gift. make something. take them out to dinner. watch a movie together. often enough, "time" is the most precious and meaningful gift you can give someone.

writing this actually kind of makes me feel better about the whole christmas thing. in fact, throughout the past week, my mom and i have spent a lot of time together, shopping, decorating, baking, cooking, watching the kids, etc. we've talked, laughed, cried, lectured, been lectured at...::wink::....and at the end, yes, i'm getting presents on christmas. but i've getting so much more than that. recently, i've gotten more of a sense of family this christmas than i think i ever have before. going away to college has made me realize how important my family really is, and how important they really are. i help with things because i love my family. [no matter how much i complain] family is everything. they will be there for you when everything else fails. when your friends leave you, whe you find out your friends aren't really your friends. when your boyfriend breaks up with you, they'll be there. and christmas brings family closer together, and i think that is what christmas is all about.

::mmmm....pete...::


What Yellowcard member are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

oh...and i'm DONE WITH FINALS.

and i'm home.

oh happy day.

::yay?....::


What Yellowcard song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

three down....one to go :)

don't touch me

i said to myself...i said "self....you should study"..

...but i just wouldn't listen....

finals. can suck it.

.....one down, three to go....

::one day and i'll be home...ONE MORE DAY....::

::suddenly erika gets all latina and snippy....::

Made Of Glass: You don't even know me, okay? Don't make be get up in yo' face, okay? Don't make me go Latina on yo' ass, okay? Uh-huh. That's what I thought, Mmmmmhmmmm.
Made Of Glass: ::snap:: ::snap:: ::snap::
Made Of Glass: ::lips curled:: ::eyebrow lift:: ::stupid glare::

....and i like it.;)

work. was. hard.

::you da tree adam...you da tree...::

Harpwalker28: May your destiny be the Tree of Life
Harpwalker28: and your goodness be the water

profound. i like it.

i think there must be something in the air. maybe it's that time before the holidays. maybe it's finals. maybe it's that thing....[that one thing that you know you have to do but can't remember what it is or why you have to do it...] i always have that thing...i always feel like i'm missing something. whatever. argh. i'm tired of talking to people too. tired of telling people my problems. tired of hearing their phony reactions. tired of people not really caring. maybe i need a little support. funny how sometimes when you talk to people, you don't really wanna tell them everything that's going on in your life. because then you feel like you are whining. you just want them to know. i just want you to know. i've been there. i AM there.

things haven't been really going very well lately. emotionally, physically, spiritually [that pretty much covers all the bases,eh?] but i'm trying to work through things. i'm trying to be good. trying to be strong. but i guess the greatest lesson that i've learned over the past week, is that through all of this comes something to learn from. sure, i've been angry. i am a little depressed. but i'm learning. growing. communitcating. dealing. school seems to be one of the main culprits. the main stress. or is it? am i just using it as a cover up for the emotional distress i've been put through? it sucks that at the time where i'm trying to learn the most about myself, society wants me to learn the most about the world. about what i'm going to be doing in 20 years. about my future job. but are those things more important than self discovery?

at my catholic school i went to, our principal [who was a nun]...used to tell us that "God is not going to ask us our gpa...." and that's true. who the HELL cares what grades you got in college. in high school. in junior high. the only reason you had to get good grades in high school was to be able to have the opportunity to go to a good college. now, i'm worried about getting the grades for graduate school. do i want that? do i want to stress out again? college is supposed to be a time to enjoy yourself. this is the best time in my life. this is when i learn the most about the world, and myself. what i really need to do it take a step back, look inside myself, and realize where my priorities are.

i've realized over the past couple months, things have been changing. i'm not the same person that i used to be, i have new friends, have had new experiences, i almost lead a different life. i talked to my best friend the other day, and i had a hard time telling her the things i had been doing, because i had changed so much and she still seemed the same. and i missed her. and i missed me. and i'm torn between who i was, and who i am trying to be. do i like myself? did i like myself? who do i want to be in the future? my mother once told me that it's not important "what i want to be" in life....but more important to ask "whom i want to become." so it's not all about getting to the next step in life, completeting school, stressing, rushing through life. what's the point of it all if you can't enjoy it? often times, i think i'm too concerned about making memories for the future, instead of living for the present. and there's no sense enjoying the present, if you don't know who you are, and how you can enjoy it. you have to know yourself, above anything. i think that's a lot of what college is all about. finding who you are. and yes, mistakes will be made. guilt had. maybe even friendships lost. but you will utlimately get a chance to get to know yourself. and that's what life is all about.

so, to everyone out there that reads this, i wish you luck on your journey. i wish myself luck on this journey. it's not going to be easy. if it were easy, people would've done it by now. we'd have nothing to talk about. things would be different. this little manifesto would never have been written. [....i'm not really sure if that would not have been such a bad thing..::wink::] but you aren't alone. everyone goes through it. i'm going through it. your friends are going through it. most of the yellowcard message board is going through it. my siblings are going through it. hell, your grandparents are probably still going through it. many of you i've met. many of you i haven't. but i've had a chance to get to know you. to discover you. now all i have to do...is discover myself.

....it's gonna be one wild ride. am i ready? you bet your ass i am.

i hate when i turn on the heatlamp instead of the light when i go into the bathroom.

.....it makes me think i'm doing lots of hard work.

weird.

oh my god. this slogan generator is pimp.

funniest thing ever.

[credit to travis on that one....]

oh hell.

::it's official::

i'm sick of turkey. i hate turkey. i hate that turkey is the main element of thanksgiving. everyone gets SO worked up about the damn turkey. f*ck the turkey. can you imagine how different our lives would be if the pilgrims woulda had a pig lyin' around....instead of a turkey? we'd be havin' 2139875 pounds of BACON for thanksgiving. and you know what? bacon isn't that great for you. so would our tradition from the pilgrims, so uneducated, so non-nutritious.....would that still hold true? because the damn pilgrims ate a damn turkey with the damn indians, that's why every year i overeat. wonderful. well you know what? i like the cranberries the best anyway. oh yeah. that's right. and i bet they didn't even HAVE them on the first thanksgiving. so there. i'm a thanksgiving rebel. deal with it.